The #1 issue I get asked to help with is relationship breakdowns which, at its core stems from a breakdown in communication. We are living in a state of sensory overload. In order to cope, we either shut down and isolate ourselves, or we look for a loud stimulating event to calm our minds. Either activity if taken to the extreme shuts out our ability to be present with another human being – hence the breakdown of communication.
In relationships, there are two types of people.
The “Private Detective” – this person is looking, hearing, and seeing every nuance.
The “System Engineer” – this person wants to skim the page and push a button that says, “yes”, “no”, or “delete”. They don’t want to be bogged down by details or a long litany of questions.
Most conflicts involving two-way communication often have one person as an isolated individual, and the other person seeking a higher degree of stimulation. This creates too much noise for one person and leaves the other person feeling very lonely.
In my practice, the first thing I do with my clients is set ground rules around communication.
The number one rule is RESPECT - Respect filled communication is key to all healthy relationships.
Whether you sign, write or speak in your relationships, it needs to be respectful to continue to grow and flourish.
What are the components of effective communication?
To communicate effectively both parties need to be able to receive information, as well as the emotion and intention behind the information. Many people, especially the linear “System Engineer” person, find communicating difficult because there are so many steps involved. It takes too much work and practice to communicate. Imagine having to:
Combine non-verbal communication with engaged listening skills,
Simultaneously manage the stress of the moment,
Apply one’s own ability to communicate assertively,
And manage your capacity to recognize and understand your own emotions and the emotions of the other person you are communicating with.
Wow – talk about exhausting! These are all the skills involved in simple, clear communication. Just writing these thoughts is exhausting, much less doing all of these steps simultaneously.
But I am here to tell you that effective communication is the GLUE that bonds relationships together. Communication deepens our relationships with others, improves teamwork, and allows for good decision-making and enhanced problem-solving. Good communication can enable one to share difficult or contrary information without creating conflict, chaos, or destroying trust.
Are you ready to open the door to enhanced communication and stronger relationships? Are you ready to cut some of the exhausting chaos in your past relationships? If so then stay tuned, over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing some tools and exercises that I have found to be helpful in enhancing communication so you can be heard and understood.
If you are experiencing communication breakdowns in your relationship and need help now, consider booking a coaching session where you will learn new tools to co-create an intentional future with Improved communication, intimacy, healthy boundaries, and renewed confidence and support to be the "real" you!